Integrating 2020: The Year of the Visionary Genius
Seven Magic Mountains by Ugo Rondinone
Beloved 2020: Visionary Genius,
Thank you for being one of the most powerful, expansive and best years of my life thus far.
You along with the family of sacred medicines and spirit teachers have mercilessly led me into the parts of myself that I feared most: my avoidance and denial to all that doesn’t appease me. My cold-blooded tendency to turn a blind eye to pain. My superficial connections and disconnections, and a lack of compassion to existential crisis that is not mine. Anxiety that is a shared camaraderie of all heartfelt beings. The well of sadness that is the pool of my soul. 5-MeO-DMT burst through senses of worthlessness, disgust and a mucky need to share, project and display anything but beauty and unabashed truth.
You invited me to sobering drinks revealing all the ways I shortchange my family including my young daughter, husband and parents. Within your containment I discovered a dark cloud of undiagnosed postpartum depression, and released it. You’ve shown the rat race I am on is the death of me and all the ways I am willingly poisoning myself. Ketamine taught me how to love my daughter. LSD snipped the long-ass cord of the collective mother complex. MDMA reminded the many love languages that communicate through anything but spoken word, and ways of playfully merging with my husband, whom I adore so much.
Under your gentle yet clear guidance directing me inward, I admitted to what I am, and especially what I am not. The Mushrooms woke me with ringing bells to remind me, I am so much more than any image, title or credential. She cracked the stone-hard shell over my heart, left me in a puddle of colossal debris and over and again she grounded me from my grandiosity into the here and now, and how I need to show up for the people I love most, first. LSD exorcised self-hate so heavy, awakening the buried Queen to shine through the cracks for the first time, ever.
You have allowed me to discover, examine and reveal my limitlessness, and dare to practice the wealth of my power. I’ve broken through self-imposed cages and glass ceilings to find new heights in my talents, creativity, career, financial compensation, and belief in Spirit’s presence. You’ve reflected great feedback, redirection and and rewards through dozens of kindred souls who have bravely stepped onto this integration path alongside me, and with whom I gratefully share my journey as we walk together. You have bluntly imposed humility and caution with this power, reminding me of the preciousness of life and the forgotten impressions of energy. The paradox of the shiniest diamonds being another rock. And that sparkle is a divine force of nature that must be shared to co-create synergetic harmony and uplift the natural order. Cannabis urged me to share my truth, my voice, reminding of the unique gifts we all have, the medicines we are.
Within your brilliant restrictions, there I found my freedom. And how can one convey gratitude for brazenly gleaning the meaning of one’s life?
2020 - You went down in history alright! True to your name, a clear visionary in unified and perfect alignment, you have dreamt up a life for us more magnificent than we can visualize! Your many blessings are only beginning to unfold. May we live to believe, see, feel and embody them into realization.
Irake!